Just as ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’, so too is everything we choose to see in ourselves or another, whether we’re aware we are doing the choosing or not and whether or not it gives us joy!
Every time you see someone behaving in a manner unloving, it is the opportunity for you to free yourself, and that person – through your own thoughts – from the illusion of fear, the demands of the Ego and the constraints of (false) pride. While you cannot choose for another and they may NOT accept your ‘gift’, it is through the simple act of choosing to look beyond their actions to the pain or fear that drove it, which allows you to see the person for who they are and remember their innocence and the place we all hold in the Heart of God.
When you look from love in yourself to the love in another, you will see it and experience the peace that comes from relinquishing judgement, or the need for revenge; which does not preclude the importance of people ‘suffering the consequences’ of their choices. While ever you see another as your tormentor or wrong-doer, no amount of love or restitution they send your way can be received by you. And in your presence, if all that they see reflected in your eyes upon looking at them, is the reminder of their ‘misgivings’, then their guilt and pain and shame will only be reinforced. While we must each find our own way to acceptance – of self and others – in the face of condemnation from another, especially those whom we know we have ‘wronged’, lies the potential to keep us stuck in our past and fear, restricting the possibility of ‘making things right’ and restoring balance to our lives in the now. This is how we get back what we give out.
Consider this! You or someone else does something less than perfect in your eyes. Thereafter whenever you ‘look’ at them or think of them in your mind’s eye, who you see is potentially a lesser version of the person you once knew. When your thoughts, words and actions speak only of their betrayal or the pain they have ‘caused’ you, you deny the potential they have to be love in-deed, creating distance and melting the warmth that may once have sustained you. Some even disown the relationship itself, saying “You’re not my son or daughter”, or “You’re not the man or woman I thought you were!” When we hurt ourselves with the pain of another, we become entrapped in the fearful limitations of their reality; regardless of who triggered the initial response or reaction.
If you hold them as ‘guilty’, then in your judgement you leave them no room to make amends, thereby reinforcing their guilt and keeping from yourself the justice, love, and re-connection you desire to receive; if only with your own peace of mind. It is only in accepting responsibility for our actions and seeing the light of love within ourselves that the past can be transformed and a different future created. When we do that ourselves or see it in another we understand that with all our ‘failings’, we are here to experience life in all its manifestations and appreciate the complexity and beauty of our humanity. Then our ‘missed-takes’ are seen as opportunities for growth and we realise we are but one and the same!
Inner Sense No. 35 | July 2013
Excerpt from a talk I gave in April 2012 at the New Thought Centre. Listen to the Podcast.
Invitations for Public Speaking are welcome!