The power you have to change your life is directly proportional to the degree to which you are willing to accept what shows up in it as your own – the good, the bad and the ugly. Trite as it may sound, things are not always as they seem. Nowhere is this more prevalent than when people are caught in the tidal wave of emotions characteristic of relationship disharmony and separation. How often, through our own lack of awareness, or stubbornness, or ignorance, do we set in train a direction for our lives from which it appears impossible to retreat? Being in the presence of ourselves or others at loggerheads can feel crazy and un-real; making sense of communication driven by fear, blame, shame, or a false sense of bravado a formidable task. And the cost to our emotional, physical and spiritual well-being, let alone the financial and societal costs are phenomenal.
It feels un-real because it is! Long before we separate from another we have separated from our essential selves in some way. Whether it is our gentleness or strength, our feelings, values, or dreams; both men and women have ways of editing out what is important to them – usually in the name of ‘keeping the peace’ or ‘being in control’ – which leaves them feeling empty and with little choice other than to move away from the person whom it appears is the source of their discontent.
The refusal to look into the eye of our ‘enemy’ is the unwillingness to confront that within ourselves which is imperfect and has the ability to cause for the other the same degree of pain we feel at their hands. How do I know this? Guess! What is devastating is that who we choose to cast our pain upon are generally the people whom we most cherish in life; our partners, children, family and friends. The reason The Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” was so named, is because what goes around does come around. Sooner or later we will experience the consequences of our choices and actions and it would be foolish to think otherwise.
To alter this takes humility, courage and a willingness to connect with the truth beneath all the fear and anger and sadness and confusion. The only way out of this madness is through the pain that we may previously have been unwilling to own as ours, to embrace that within us which is imperfect and not so ‘together’. It takes being present, here and now, to bring something new and authentic and creative into being. Ultimately, it takes listening to the voice of wisdom that resides within us all to choose the highest path and see the illusion that anything other than love is. The courage and freedom which people demonstrate every time they do this is something that never ceases to amaze or inspire me. In this place, miracles occur! Dare you give yourself the same permission to be all of who you really are and discover that underneath everything all that is left is LOVE?
Inner Sense No. 9 | April 2008
… real love is born in relationships as a result of understanding what they are all about and doing what is necessary to have them.