Positive Relating begins with seeing everything as it is and being willing to meet life on its own terms. When that sentence fell out of my head earlier this year I had no idea just how universal its application could be. A simple directive? Yes! Easy? Far from it! It means acknowledging that we all have ‘skeletons in the closet’, none of us comes without ‘baggage’, and until we become accepting of our own and each others’ imperfections, the possibility for peace and harmony in our relationship with ourselves and others; let alone intimacy, is ‘doomed’.
Being positive isn’t about having all the right ‘stuff’ or denying ‘what’s so’, but rather about how you relate to what you do have and the people you are in relationship with. We have been indoctrinated with expectations that are so unrealistic that we’ve lost the ability to see what is good in our lives. And so we resort to tantrums and dummy spits because he/she/the world isn’t making us happy … which is neither possible or the responsibility of anything or anyone other than ourselves.
We are all here for a purpose and all of our relationships have a purpose in shifting the energies that prevail. That’s the kicker here. Your personal relationships are not just for or about you and the other/s. Our relationships are the testing grounds for transforming the way all of us relate to each other and the world. As we learn to treat one another with greater respect and love, with more acceptance and kindness, that generosity becomes more available in the world at large. It’s like the 100th Monkey Principle; the shift in consciousness that occurs when a change in the behaviour of a critical mass ignites a transformation throughout the whole, so that what was once unattainable or even unimaginable, becomes just ‘what’s so’.
So that’s what we’ve been struggling with behind closed doors! Each of us has been given an ‘Assignment from God’ to shift the context of our relationships from the agenda of our insatiable, fear-driven ego and pride, to the grace of surrender to love, trust and faith. It’s not just about you, your partner, or your family. It’s about all of us learning how to do things differently where we need to; how to hold on to or recapture what has always sustained positive relationships, and how to bring to our relationships new qualities that respond to the sense we have of a better world.
From this perspective we see that as we heal our own wounds we make that healing available to others and that each burden we release from our families and countries and cultures for our past ‘misgivings’, the lighter will be our steps moving forward. When we take our attention and energies away from what we find unacceptable and focus on building that which is aligned with love, then we come closer to the heart of change and we experience a positive change of heart.
Inner Sense No. 25 | August 2011